Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
