why im i the only drunk person in the library?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
