just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
