in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
tell me about the eggs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
