We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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