quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
