would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize