Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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