Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
