Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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