ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
