the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
