You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
