If that was your dad, he is hot
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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