I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
