i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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