hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i drank out of a bidet.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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