i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
