You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
