Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He passed out mid-signature
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
