Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
