Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
