she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm always down for nudity.
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