Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize