Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
