just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
