if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
this is an emotional support booty call
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
