i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just gargled with NyQuil
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
