if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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