Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
