I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
