erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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