the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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