can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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