happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
