Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
