9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
