dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
