you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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