Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
