i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize