he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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