In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
