that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
