She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
