Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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