I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
