This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
