he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
