After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
