oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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