I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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