You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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