you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
