You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
