I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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