Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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