so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
