He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
