First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
