You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
