I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Be still, my beating vagina.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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