I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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