HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
how does that bad decision feel?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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