When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
