So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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