Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
