On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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