I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Come see our sink grown plant.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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