this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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