It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
