I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize