Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
