Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
