three words: i give head
three words: not that well
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize