So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
