atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
