It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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