Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well you can't waste a boner
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
