I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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