She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
