I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
