Plan B is the new Plan A
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
