I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think people are normalizing furries
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
