i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
