He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
