The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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