Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
