One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
