Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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