are you so shy because you have an std?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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