Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
