a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
