For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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