My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
