ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
