I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
