remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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